Sink or Swim

"Mommy, when are you ever going to wash my clothes??"

That is what Campbell, my 5-year old, asked me as she stood there watching me have to dig dirty socks out of her laundry basket for the second day in a row to wear to school. I am sure that the neat freak inside of her wanted to sit me down and have a come-to-Jesus meeting.......and I don't blame her one bit. After all, she has been sitting on the front row watching me star in the production "When is that crazy woman ever gonna learn??". She has seen me continually add more and more items to my "to-do" list, and to make it even more interesting, I add items that are accompanied with a crunch time limit. Yep...............I'm a thinker. Instead of just jumping in the deep end, its like I want the challenge of strapping weights around my ankles, putting on 2 layers of clothes, eating a value meal and not waiting 20 minutes, and THEN plopping into the deep end and seeing how long I will last before I sink or get a cramp. I want to believe that I have to ability to tackle AND succeed in it all. But what actually ends up happening is just the opposite...........I fail at things that were in my blind spot (like the laundry) and I look like a crazy woman who forgot to look in the mirror before she left the house.

For example, last night we had Bible study at my church. I had been working all day on completing a kitchen table I was refinishing. A table that needed to be finished by this weekend because of the timing of others things that needed to be done. Again, my timing is brilliant. So Bible study started at 7............as I sat down on the couch basically wearing my pajamas I looked to see what time it was. It was 6:57. Awesome. So I jumped up, changed clothes, slapped make-up on in about 30 seconds (even I am unsure of what it looked like), grabbed my Bible and ran next door to the church and was there by 7:05. When I sat down it became confirmed that I did not have my Bible study workbook. Double awesome. I leaned forward during the session and a sweet friend of mine pulled a candy bar off of my back that had somehow gotten smashed into my Northface jacket. Triple Awesome. Not to mention the fact that as I was walking to church I found a mysterious pair of socks in my jacket pocket. What???

I have been convicted before to slow down and get some focus...........but I quickly got too busy to focus on my conviction. Why do I do it?? When will I learn?? If I am going to do something I want to do it well, and I really feel lately that I have not been doing anything well. And it is totally my fault. Hebrews 13:21 says He will "equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to him be the glory forever and ever. Amen." There is the kicker............."that you may do HIS will". My intentions are always good........but they are MY intentions. I need to pray. I need to ask the Lord what HE wants me to do. Once I feel led to what He desires for me to do I need to not feel guilty saying "no" to everything else. I have to remember that I am not here to please man............I am here to please the Lord and bring Him glory. If I continue to fall into the pride of thinking I can handle it all, I will continue to be the girl who shows up late to a Bible study empty handed with a candy bar stuck to her back.

Deal Breaker

The girls got to spend the weekend at Nana and Poppy's a couple weeks ago while Blue and I went away on an anniversary get-away for a couple nights. When it was time for the girls to come home my mom was sweet enough to meet my half way so that I did not have to drive all the way to their house to get them. Once we met, we did a little shopping (I mean, why wouldn't we??). Before we knew it it was time for dinner and our bellies were reminding us. We needed to get back on the road so we decided to just grab something really quick at McDonalds because we had some coupons. As soon as we pulled in the parking lot Piper started......" I wanna pway on the pway pawace!". My response was always the same "No honey, we don't have time to play on the play palace. We have to get back on the road to get home." She was not a fan of my response. We sat down and ate like we were on a mission, the girls decided they needed to go to the bathroom at the same time (sometimes I think they conspire against me), and then I started getting our stuff together to get back on the road. We were gettin' it all knocked out quick. As we start walking towards the door to leave Piper started again...."I wanna pway on the pway pawace." I responded the same...."No, Piper. We are going home." She gives me THAT look that only foreshadows what is yet to come and starts defiantly walking towards the play palace.

Awesome.

Now, there were not many people at all in McDonalds at the time. But in the middle of the restaurant there was a woman sitting by herself at a table. Once again, Piper turned around and gave me that "I'm-only-3-but-right-now-I-think-I'm-your-master" look and boldly said "I wanna pway in the pway pawace!" So, as I'm standing near the door holding more stuff than what should have justifiably been brought in to McDonalds, I calmly said "Alright, well see if one of these sweet people in here can bring you home because Nana, Campbell and I are leaving". Now don't judge me, I would never leave her. But as I was turning to do my fake exit walk to the door, the lady that was sitting by herself at the table speaks up...." I will take you home with me!" She totally messed up my plan. I look at Piper and she has a stubborn, yet curious, look on her face as she is looking at this woman. She takes a few steps towards her. The woman sweetly smiles at her and continues...."I will take you home with me and we will have LOTS of fun. I have a 4 year old granddaughter and she would love to play with you." Piper pauses. She then softens the stubborn look and then just gets curious. She walks right up to the woman, stops in front of her, looks her in the eye with an inquisitive look and asked the question that could seal the deal......

"You got a dog????"

Really?!?!?! To my favor, she did not have a dog. So at that point, Piper graciously walked toward me and we headed home. Isn't it funny how in life we can get a tunnel vision and do the same thing? We look at our current situation and think we know what is best. Based on the knowledge we have of the situation, we think we know what we need and we believe that we should control everything to make sure things happen "the way they should". If only we could remember that we do not know the big picture. We do not know what is best. If only we could trust the Father and believe that He already has the best for us planned. If only we could have the courage to trust Him with the details.

Better than Bubble Wrap

They all said it was going to happen. I always smiled and agreed.  If I’m being honest though, I have come to realize that there was always a part of me that did not believe them. However, despite my denial…………they were right. Campbell, my first born baby girl, started kindergarten. She grew up.

 

What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

What happened to my little toddler that was yanking on my pant leg to stop what I was doing and watch her twirl in her princess dress? Since she started a couple of weeks ago I find myself looking at her often and just thinking about how quickly time has gone by. If we are all being real, I think every Mommy out there has those days of toddler-hood when you feel like time is standing still. Your children are either screaming their head off, fighting with their sibling over who is bigger, writing all over the wall with those “washable” markers, or stuffing the toilet with unflushable wipes. After you lock yourself in your closet you just sit there and ask the Lord when you are going to get to use the bathroom alone again. But then it happens. They start kindergarten. Then all you can do is sit with tears in your eyes and think about those times when they drew you a picture and beamed with pride when you put it on the refrigerator. You think about the times when they watched you put on make-up in your bathroom only to catch them later practicing with pretend make-up at their little vanity wearing your shoes and a princess dress. I find myself thinking back to times she came up to me while I was doing laundry and asked me to play a game with her. I would LOVE to go back and put down that laundry basket and grab Candyland instead of telling her I had to finish my chores first. Yes, I know life is life and chores have to be done……..but when you sulk all of that gets blurry.:)

You see, it’s not even just about her starting kindergarten and being away longer. Its about everything that means! This is the start of the journey to complete independence. The beginning of her starting to make her own decisions and choices. What friends will she choose? How will she treat others? How will she respond when others treat her badly? Where is she going to find her security? I would love to be able to shield her from every hurt feeling and every mean word. But I also know that is a part of growing up. I know that the Lord has an incredible plan for her life. She is starting on her journey to discover who the Lord has called her to be and what He has called her to do. She belongs to Him. I know that despite my fears and my desire to wrap her in protective bubble wrap, He loves her even more than me. I am reminded that He told her, “I know the plans I have for you……plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). I am humbled and abundantly thankful that He trusted me to be her Mommy. Instead of getting hung up on my fears of what is going to happen on the playground, I just need to trust the Lord. He has her every step in His perfect plan. And His plan is WAY better than bubble wrap.

On the morning of her first day I was in our bedroom grabbing last minute things before we ran out the door and I heard Blue in the kitchen talking to her while she put on her little bookbag. He said “Campbell, I’m so excited for you! You know why?” She asked curiously, “Why?” He simply and profoundly said, “Because you are ready.” Even though I couldn’t see her, I could just feel her smiling. He said “God made you special. You just go to school and be yourself and you are going to be just fine.”

You are so right, Daddy.