They all said it was going to happen. I always smiled and
agreed. If I’m being honest though, I
have come to realize that there was always a part of me that did not believe
them. However, despite my denial…………they were right. Campbell, my first born
baby girl, started kindergarten. She grew up.
What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What happened to my little toddler that was yanking on my
pant leg to stop what I was doing and watch her twirl in her princess dress?
Since she started a couple of weeks ago I find myself looking at her often and
just thinking about how quickly time has gone by. If we are all being real, I
think every Mommy out there has those days of toddler-hood when you feel like
time is standing still. Your children are either screaming their head off,
fighting with their sibling over who is bigger, writing all over the wall with
those “washable” markers, or stuffing the toilet with unflushable wipes. After
you lock yourself in your closet you just sit there and ask the Lord when you
are going to get to use the bathroom alone again. But then it happens. They
start kindergarten. Then all you can do is sit with tears in your eyes and
think about those times when they drew you a picture and beamed with pride when
you put it on the refrigerator. You think about the times when they watched you
put on make-up in your bathroom only to catch them later practicing with
pretend make-up at their little vanity wearing your shoes and a princess dress.
I find myself thinking back to times she came up to me while I was doing
laundry and asked me to play a game with her. I would LOVE to go back and put
down that laundry basket and grab Candyland instead of telling her I had to
finish my chores first. Yes, I know life is life and chores have to be
done……..but when you sulk all of that gets blurry.:)
You see, it’s not even just about her starting kindergarten
and being away longer. Its about everything that means! This is the start of
the journey to complete independence. The beginning of her starting to make her
own decisions and choices. What friends will she choose? How will she treat
others? How will she respond when others treat her badly? Where is she going to
find her security? I would love to be able to shield her from every hurt
feeling and every mean word. But I also know that is a part of growing up. I
know that the Lord has an incredible plan for her life. She is starting on her
journey to discover who the Lord has called her to be and what He has called
her to do. She belongs to Him. I know that despite my fears and my desire to
wrap her in protective bubble wrap, He loves her even more than me. I am
reminded that He told her, “I know the plans I have for you……plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
I am humbled and abundantly thankful that He trusted me to be her Mommy.
Instead of getting hung up on my fears of what is going to happen on the
playground, I just need to trust the Lord. He has her every step in His perfect
plan. And His plan is WAY better than bubble wrap.
On the morning of her first day I was in our bedroom
grabbing last minute things before we ran out the door and I heard Blue in the kitchen
talking to her while she put on her little bookbag. He said “Campbell, I’m so
excited for you! You know why?” She asked curiously, “Why?” He simply and
profoundly said, “Because you are ready.” Even though I couldn’t see her, I
could just feel her smiling. He said “God made you special. You just go to
school and be yourself and you are going to be just fine.”
