Balancing Act

Me: Now girls, when we get there do not take off running through their house, OK?
Campbell and Piper: Mmm'K
Me: And do not jump on their furniture.....
Campbell and Piper: Mmm'K
Me: And when they speak to you, you look them in the eye and answer their questions, OK?

This conversation that took place on the way to visit a family that had been attending our church had very little impact. Twenty minutes into the visit the girls were roaming into other rooms and attempting body flops on their couch. *sigh*

I feel like I am constantly needing to remind myself that Campbell is 5 and Piper is 3. It seems as though I am daily caught in a struggle of balancing grace and expectation. They are kids.......young kids, at that.......and I want them to be kids. I want them to truly relish that carefree perspective of life, run with their arms stretched out, and dance out all that energy that's about to bust through their seams. I want to show grace in the moments of wild commotion and loud squeals because, again, they are 5 and 3. Before I know it, their perspective of life will not be quite so carefree and they will be too cool to dance like no one is watching. I want them to enjoy being little girls. However, I also want them to have manners and show respect. I want them to know they have an expectation to say "please" and "thank-you", to make eye contact with someone they are speaking with, and to not do belly flops on someones couch with they invite you over for dinner. I don't want them to believe their age is an exception to the rule.........I expect them to be respectful.

When I lay my head down at night, my mommy conscious is saying one of two things. I either hear it saying, "You were way too strict on them today......ease up", or I hear "Woman, you need to get off your tail and get those girls in line". I visualize a balance scale with grace on one side and expectation on the other..........I find it to be such a struggle to have consecutive days when one side doesn't outweigh the other. I long for the nights when my head hits the pillow and I hear my mommy conscious say "Girl, you ROCKED that today.". Instead of tipping the scale one way or the other, I just pray for strength and conviction to have an equal dose of both.

If you were continuing to read this in hopes that I had some sort of an answer to offer you....well.... go ahead and take a deep breath because you are about to be really disappointed. I have no clue how to balance that scale. However, I do know two things...1) Not knowing the trick to the trade pushes me to seek the Lord for guidance and direction. It keeps me humble and continually asking the Lord for His forgiveness in the midst of my failures. His continual forgiveness reminds me to show the same mercy to my children. 2) My desire to find a balance and my heart struggle over the imbalances are a reflection of a mother that longs to get it right. I know that I will never be perfect, but I want my girls to know that the woman they call "Mommy" is doing everything in her power to hold that title as perfectly as possible. The blessed weight of longing to get it right only means that it matters enough to never give up trying.