Cherish and Sift

She turns 6 on August 5th. Six. Years. Old. I have absolutely no idea what happened........

If I am being real, I remember having so many of those days when Campbell was 2 and 3 when I would say things like, "This day is never going to end", or I would sneak in the bathroom and just lock myself in for about 2 or 3 minutes just so that I could regain sanity. On those days time felt as if it was standing still.  Once Piper was born days passed by particularly fast. Moments were busier, my attention was divided, and everything got even louder.
Today I was scrolling through previous year's posts on my Facebook page. I am an epic failure at even the notion of keeping up a baby book, so I have always used Facebook as a way of journaling moments and conversations with my girls. As I was reading through them I was reminded how quickly time passes.
The fact is, I don't remember the things that happened that caused me to lock myself in the bathroom, or the emotional breakdowns that made me feel like a failure as a mother. But as I was looking through those moments on Facebook, I DO remember the joy, the laughter, and the milestones. I remember those times that Campbell stopped me in my tracks with her humor and her flare when she was barely even talking. Now she is almost 6. Where has the time gone? Each picture that I looked at, and every conversation I read, reminded me to cherish the moment and sift out my crazy.

Here are a few of the conversations from years past.....
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March 9, 2013

Blue: Mommy, look! Campbell ate all of her chicken nuggets, all of her green beans, and half of her broccoli casserole! Didn't she do good??
Me: Wow, Campbell! You DID do good! I am so proud of you!
Campbell: Thanks. I couldn't have done it without Daddy.
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May 22, 2013

Campbell had to eat leftovers for lunch today....

Campbell: Why are we eating this again?
Me: Because God gave it to us and we are going to eat it.
Campbell: But didn't God give us some other stuff?
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July 17, 2013

Campbell got sick (aka - threw up) on herself in the car on the way home from VBS. I felt helpless because we were driving and less than 5 minutes from home....

Me: I am so sorry, honey.....I am going as quick as I can. I am so sorry you are sick!
Campbell: (crying)
Me: Oh sweetie, I am so sorry!
Campbell: Mommy......(sniff, cry, sniff)......
Me: Yes, baby??
Campbell: (holds up her arm and holds out her little finger)......(sniff, cry, sniff).....will you paint this fingernail again because all of the sparklies have come off of it.....(cry, cry, cry)...
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July 29, 2013

During a popcorn snack, while Piper napped, I attempted conversation....

Me: So what is your favorite thing we have done today?
Campbell: (looks at me and chews)
Me: So are you excited about your birthday?
Campbell: (looks at me and chews)
Me: What flavor cake do you want?
Campbell: (looks at me and chews)
Me: (I silently chew)
Campbell: Mommy, do you know why I'm not answering you?
Me: Yes.
Campbell: Because I want to eat.
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August 20, 2013

Me: If I see either of you girls misbehave, or disobey the rules, you are both going to your rooms.
 (I step in the other room)
Campbell: (yelling) Mommy, did you see us???
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October 2, 2013

I was laying Piper down for a nap and Campbell comes running in the room with a bunny/blanket that Piper likes to snuggle with...

Campbell: Wait!.......Piper, here you go....
Me: Piper, tell Campbell thank you.
Piper: Tank-ooo, Cambull.
Campbell: (as she walks away) Your welcome......just doin' my job.
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November 12, 2013

While I was changing Piper's diaper she was pretty upset and Campbell came running over to comfort her....

Campbell: Piper, you want a hug?
Piper: No
Campbell: You want a kiss?
Piper: No
Campbell: You want me to rub your belly?
Piper: No
Campbell: Want me to play the drums?
Piper, Yes. Drums.

Piper pulls up her shirt and Campbell plays the drums on her belly.
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From the ages of 2 to 4 Campbell could fall asleep anywhere and anyhow. She usually preferred to be in princess attire and would get out of bed to dress accordingly. Here are some of my favorites......

Valentine's Day Rap

Hey!  I (Blue) have high jacked Heather's blog. Today marks the anniversary of the greatest Valentine's Day gift that I have ever received and I wanted to share it with you all.  I have the coolest wife ever. I love you, Heather Bryan, but apparently not enough to do my own rap.  Click the link and enjoy.


Valentines Day Rap for the Hubs

Fairytale Mirage

I will be the first to say that I love Chick Flicks. It's usually always the same predictable plot: boy and girl are about to reveal their love, then drama unfolds, and in the last 15 minutes they triumph all odds and seal their love with a kiss. I've seen it dozens of times but I'm still a sucker for it. Don't get me wrong, I love a good ol' CIA movie as well, but there is something about one of those sappy love stories that puts you in a floating dream-like state. While I was still single I remember watching those movies with my girlfriends and then imagining how those last 15 minutes would play out in my own life. Poor guys..........it's no wonder they hate chick flicks.
When Blue and I first met in 2003 we quickly decided that we did not like each other. And I mean even as friends. We pretty much avoided each other for about a year. In 2004, for a number of reasons, our worlds collided and we realized that our first impressions were totally off base. Blue quickly became one of my best friends and also one of my main sources for dating advice. However, we were both surprised, and relieved, when the Lord revealed our "last 15 minutes" with each other in 2006. Blue gave me an incredible engagement story, we said "I do", and then we walked away hand in hand to begin our life together as husband and wife.
Now its time for us all to sit down and take a deep breath...........seriously, just take a moment to sit back and brace yourself. Here it comes........

Fairytales. Don't. Exist.

Woah. I know, I know........I'm the evil messenger. As it turns out, fights don't always resolve to a sweet kiss while Boyz II Men play in the background. Apparently, Blue can't read my mind and he doesn't have an arsenal of romantic gestures to throw at me. And here is the real nail biter.......believe it or not, I actually mess up from time to time. My mess ups made me come to the conclusion that my marriage does not revolve around my ever-changing mood..............I  know, I was shocked too. I was pretty surprised to discover that Blue did not have secret romantic dates planned out in advance. If Blue is being honest, he was probably a little taken back to find out I wasn't in the kitchen cooking dinner with my hair curled and my make-up on when he came home from work. My lounge pants and the shirt I wore to bed the night before definitely sang a different tune. Previous notions and expectations became laughable for both of us.

There is no possible way Blue, or any man, could possibly live up to the standard that these Blockbuster love stories create. While I could sit down with a tub of popcorn and watch Nicholas Sparks movies marathon style, I have to separate fact from fiction. But here is the AWESOME thing...........my love story is even better. It is better because it is REAL. It has its ups and it has its downs. It has laughter and it has fights. It has stupid mistakes and it has grace. Through all of the beauty and blunders that my marriage holds, there will always be romance in the fact that at the end of the day we CHOOSE to make our marriage work and grow.  We choose to commit each step we take together to Christ. We choose to forgive each other for the blunders because we know that we have been forgiven by the One who loves perfectly.On October 7, 2006 we may not have ridden off in the sunset toward a life that reflects a box office hit, but we did begin a real story of love, grace and a lot of fun. Let's not let the mirage of a fairytale destroy the blessings of our reality.

As we approach Valentines Day this week let's celebrate and imitate the One who loves perfectly. He loves with forgiveness, grace, and gentleness. He loves sacrificially, fully, and without restraint.  Instead of getting caught up in the Hollywood story of romance, let's treasure the gift God gave us in our spouse and make every effort to emulate His perfect love.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

A Letter to the Younger Me

Dear Younger Heather,

I wish I could sit you down, shake your shoulders, and throw some cold water on your face. I know you are struggling because you just broke up with your boyfriend, your concerned about tomorrow, and you gained some weight over the weekend, but trust me............you are so, so blessed. I know that all you know is the "now" and there are days when you feel like you are carrying the stresses of the world. But girl, oh how I WISH you knew what I know now.

Let's talk about those heartbreaks. I know the pain is real and it feels like your world is falling apart. You feel like your value is threatened and your security has plummeted. The plans you had laid out have fallen apart and now you are wondering how to let go. Oh Heather, I wish you would just look up. The Lord has plans that are SO MUCH BETTER. He already has an incredibly special boy picked out for you. Heather, this guy is going to blow you away. I mean seriously, you are going to laugh at the fact that you are crying right now. When you meet him you are going to realize that you never even knew what you needed. Even though your heartbreak is real and the pain hurts, I promise that you will soon be thankful for those tears. The Lord is rescuing you from a path that is not for you, and He is leading you to a path that is PERFECT. Just trust God. You may think He forgot you, but I promise He hasn't. He is just preparing you and drawing you closer to Him.

Everyone around you knows what they want to do after graduation and, whats even more disturbing, is they are excited about it. I know you are playing it cool, but they are really freaking you out. Not only have you changed your major 3 times but you still have no idea what to do after they give you your diploma. The Lord has a special plan for you. It's alright if you don't have all the answers now. God promised you a bright hope and a future.............and Heather, it is so, so bright. Don't let everyone else make you feel pressured to know tomorrow now. Their story is different. Just keep praying and buckle up..........you have some fun and exciting things ahead of you.

Lastly, would you PLEASE quit calling yourself fat?!?! I mean seriously..........shut it. You need to rock those shorts while you still can. And every time your best friend hears you complain about your thighs or your "stomach" please tell her I said to shove a cupcake down your throat.

Heather, I wish you could face each day knowing that God is so much bigger that what you are facing. Just choose to trust Him and the path He is leading you down instead of trying to pave a path yourself. His plan is SO much better than what you are drawing up. Even when you face pain, please don't stop trusting. Let Him make you stronger and wiser through the hurt. The blessings are endless and abundant........just open your eyes.

Love,
The Older You

PS: Just remember, through the hurt you found blessings and through the unanswered questions you found a perfect plan. That was the LORD. That was His love, protection, and sovereignty in your life. In 10 or 15 years, you are still going to make mistakes and you are still going to struggle with worrying about "today". When you make those mistakes and when you find yourself stressing over the details of life, please just choose to trust Him and give Him thanks for what He has done. He has proven Himself to you in more ways than one.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Kick the Pedestal

I will be the first to say that I love Pinterest. It is my cookbook, my creativity for parties/showers, and my inspiration for decorating my home. While I would love to have the opportunity to give a high five to the creative genius that invented this masterpiece, I will also be the first to say that there are often times I look at it and a end up feeling like the laziest wife and mother on the planet. I just want to lay my head on the table and pray for my husband and my children. Whether it is a link to show me how to make my own laundry detergent or sew my child's Halloween costume, pictures of mothers doing loads of craft projects with their children, or a list of romantic gestures to do for my husband..............well, I feel like it's all a joke about me.

The fact is, my intentions are good. My desire is to make healthy, homemade meals every night for my family and have it on the table by 6 pm. My plan would also involve playing Candyland everyday with my girls and maybe throw in a weekly educational craft. And let's not forget the hubs.......with all the romantic gestures I'd be throwing at him he'd think we were newlyweds.

My reality is much different from my intentions. Here is a little bit of my reality...

• I am doing good if the day includes me getting to wash my hair.
• If you've seen me and asked yourself "Was she wearing that yesterday?"......yep, I probably was.
• Just recently, my girls had to wear dirty socks for the second day in a row because I still hadn't washed their clothes. My 5 year old even called me out on it.
• I found some pipe cleaners in my craft tub the other day that have been there for well over a year. I had gotten them to do a craft with the girls..........I totally forgot I even had them

The list goes on and on.

Tonight the girls had gymnastics and I did not have time to cook dinner, so we picked up a pizza on the way home. They survived AND they loved it. After I got them bathed and in bed, I was tucking in Piper and she asked me if I would cuddle with her for a little while. I climbed in bed with her, we laid there and hugged, and she giggled while telling me all about her day. Instead of feeling guilty about not cooking a healthy, homemade dinner, I sit here on cloud 9 that I was able to have such a sweet moment with my little girl.

It is so easy to let ourselves feel like we are less of a mother or wife if we are not able to stand on the pedestal that Pinterest and social media have the tendency to create. I say we kick that imaginary pedestal that we keep trying to climb on to the curb. The reality is, life can get crazy and there are times we just have to give ourselves grace. I treasure my role as a wife and a mom. I need to remember that the Lord did not put Blue and the girls in my life so that I could compare myself to other women filling the same role. Being Pinterest worthy is not what qualifies me as a good wife and mom. Loving my husband and my children in a way that glorifies the Lord and giving them the confidence and security in knowing they are my number one treasure on this earth..................well, that's what matters.

Fearlessly Confident

My girls are wired completely differently.

Don't get me wrong, they have some similarities, but their differences speak much louder. For example, when Campbell first started coloring her favorite part of the activity was lining up her crayons and placing them in an organized, color-coded fashion. Piper's favorite thing to do when she laid her blue eyes on those little "art sticks" was sneaking in the other room and coloring on the wall. Today, if you hand each of them a pack of M&M's you will also see their differences. Campbell will dump them out, organize them by color, and save her favorite color to eat last. Piper will turn the bag up, see how many she can fit in her mouth at once, and save the melted chocolate on her face until I attack her with a wipe. Campbell is a perfectionist who is determined and loves to learn. She loves her friends, she treasures her family, and I call her my "love bug" because she always wants me to cuddle with her. She loves to use her imagination when playing and always chooses to play the part of "mommy" because she likes to be responsible for taking care of "her baby". She is hilarious and I'm pretty sure she mastered the art of sarcasm by age 3. Piper is wide open and fun-loving. She will talk to everyone we pass in the aisle at Walmart and her strong compassion causes her to have such concern if she hears a baby crying two aisles over. She loves to be messy and is determined to wear her shoes on the wrong feet. She says she "likes them like that". She is feisty and does not get intimidated. She is a leader. We call her our "passionate" one because whatever emotion she is feeling she is ALL IN.........happy, mad, excited, etc.

The Lord created them in very specific ways. As a parent, I know it is my job to raise them to be CONFIDENT in those characteristics He so purposefully gave them. I don't want them to let society, or even their friends at school, cause them to be insecure in who the Lord made them. After all, I know He has big plans for them and I know that He blessed them with these characteristics to equip them for those plans. If they were to grow insecure they could become hindered, or distracted, from the ways He desires to use them. As their Mommy, I want to instill confidence and fearlessness in their uniqueness.

So here is what hit me in the face..........I am NOT always confident in my uniqueness and the idea of describing myself as fearless is almost laughable. I know that my girls study my every move. I literally learn about my own quirks and my repetitive statements by watching them play "Mommy and little girl" with each other. You see, I have tried to always be aware of not talking about my dislike of my body. I know that I need to avoid talking about wanting to lose weight or the caloric intake of my lunch. While I want them to be healthy, I do not want them to become worried or insecure about the appearance of their bodies. But I have completely overlooked being confident and fearless in the qualities, gifts, and characteristics the Lord has purposefully instilled in me. Let alone allowing them SEE me be confident and fearless in my God-given uniqueness.  Instead, they have heard me talking to their ever-so-patient Daddy, dwelling on my insecurities and fears when I am faced with a task that the Lord has placed before me......a task that intimidated and scared me.

The fact is, the Lord made my girls unique and is equipping them for big things. I want them to be fearlessly confident and EMBRACE those things. As I look in the mirror, I want to ask God, "Is there anything I'm running from?" I know He has purposefully made me the way I am. I want to be fearless. I want to be confident in how He has equipped me. I want to embrace the desires and passions he places before me and not be intimidated. I want my girls to imitate THAT.

Big Dreamer

I am not big on new years resolutions. Every time I've made one I always eventually drop the ball and end up feeling like a failure. For example: "This year I am going to loose weight" - by March my pants were already a little tighter. "This year I am going to read more" - the same book would be sitting on my nightstand for 3 months with the bookmark on chapter 3. However, I do LOVE the idea of making goals and working towards them. So one of my goals this year is to blog once a week. The only reason I am taking the time to actually blog about this is to hold myself accountable. I actually giggle even as I type that because I realize that there is a very strong possibility that I am the only person that even knows my blog exists. But alas, in my "big dreamer"  mind I am letting the world know my goal. :) There are several reasons this blog is important to me, even if I am the only one who knows of its existence. The Lord has been stirring my heart to tackle some things that feel much bigger than me and that are, honestly, just flat out intimidating. For a number of reasons, I feel like this silly ol' blog is a tool to help me on this journey He is taking me on.

Now I didn't say NOTHIN' about the blogs being any good!