Seriously?? Did you really think I was just going to throw my "number" out here into cyber space for all to see? Well, if you did.......shame on you.
I will never forget the day that everything changed. It was two weeks before our wedding, Blue had just moved into our first home in Atlanta, GA, and I was innocently driving to work.........completely unaware of the phone call I was about to get.
(my cell phone rings)
Me: Hey, honey!
Blue: Hey, sweetie. Listen, I am filling out some paperwork for our health insurance and I just need to ask you a few questions.
Me: OK, what do you need to know?
Blue: Let's see.......how tall are you?
Me: 5'6"
Blue: OK.......how much do you weigh?
Me: Excuse me?
Blue: (silent pause).....um......how much do you weigh?
Me: Blue, you don't just call someone and ask that. This is a serious conversation.
Blue: (silent pause)......um......what?
Me: Seriously.........we need to sit down and talk about this.
Despite my udder shock at the boldness of his inquiry, I eventually had to open the chest of secrets because......well........I needed insurance. Never in my life had I willingly told anyone how much I weighed. Of course my doctor knew........but honestly, she was flirting with my backhand when she asked me to step on the scale. There were two things that surprised me on this D-Day of insecurity bombshells: 1) The number truly did not matter to him (in fact, I'm pretty sure he thought I was crazy), and 2) I felt so much relief to tell him.......for the first time I realized and believed it didn't matter.
Women live in a world that tells us we have to look a certain way. I don't remember a time in my life this wasn't the case. Society tells women their beauty depends on what size their jeans are and what number the scale says. Weight is something that can control the mental and emotional state of a woman. It is heartbreaking. In middle school I remember being one of many girls already finding insecurities about our bodies. I cheered in high school and remember just hoping and praying I would get to stay on the bottom of the pyramid because I felt my thighs weren't meant to "fly". In college and seminary Satan fed me the lie that I would probably remain single until I looked good in a bikini.........and I believed him.
Then I had daughters. I always make sure that I never talk about losing weight in front of them. I never want them to hear me complaining about my body or comparing myself to Gisele Bundchen (she has got to be airbrushed anyway, right??). I want them to know what true beauty is, and I want them to see me living in that truth and being confident in it. The Lord has used my daughters to convict my heart of the fact that I have listened to the enemy too many times in my life. Beauty is not a number on a scale. It is not the number on the tag of your jeans. While it should be a priority to take care of the body God gave us, and to make our health a constant focus, we must not confuse this with beauty. I do not want my beautiful daughters to believe the same lies I accepted throughout my life. It is my hope that I will lay the lies of insecurity down at the Lord's feet, so that my girls will see me practice what I preach.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
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